Auld Lang Syne

Well, a new year is upon us and I thought this would be a good place to write about the resolution that I am making for this. In the spirit of adding one more year, I am going beyond the usual ten resolutions and making eleven resolutions for 2011. Here is working through them and possibly, stick to the ones that matter.

1: I will make it to the gym more times this year than I have in the past. Considering I have only made it to the gym zero times in the last two months, this one should be pretty easy to keep. Well, that's a lie. I did make it to the gym one during the last two months; not to work out, but to update my membership information and to chat to one of the staff that I have made friends with and see how his Thanksgiving had been. So, the list is off to a decent start.

2: This year, I plan to take more risks. I have been happy to stay in a state of suspended animation, thinking that in three years time, my real life starts again. I have been feeling like my life here is the filler in the plot - just something to move along from the good bits at the start to all the gooder bits at the end. So, I have been content to just skate along and not really take any direction when I am here. But that has to change and this year, I am going to strive to be more present in my life. Because if the world really does end in 2012, I want something to say I have lived.

3: I plan to learn how to let go this year. There are people and things that I have been hanging on to because of what they meant to me in the past or how they made me feel. But the thing is, these friends and acquaintances are not hanging on to me. No reciprocation, no thought, and I need to let that go. I am already reminded of all the things I miss by the great friends I have who make the effort; why would I want to be reminded of all the things I miss AND feel like something that is easily passed over by all the people who can't be bothered to take the time? So, it is time to just let go. And to let go graciously. No tears, recriminations, or regrets. Never regrets.

4: I plan to realize what is important. I have been treating everyone I know the same way - the people that I really care about and the people I just know. And that has to change. No more excuses about not having the time or the inclination, the cash or the any other myriad things I can say I lack to explain the fast that I have not made the effort except for those rare bursts of me-ness. So, no more excuses for the people who really. The cards will be sent on time, the gifts wrapped and put aside well in advance. I will make the engagements that are planned and when I can't, it will be because I am close to death's door and not leaving the house for anyone, not even the man of my dreams.

5: Speaking of the man of my dreams, I plan to act on them. I am going to listen to my dreams, and by extension - my feelings, more. It all goes with the taking risks part of my resolutions but this is even more so risky for me. The girl who does not do well with commitment or love or emotional entanglement. All the labels I have given myself over the past years and believe to be true. I know some of them are, like the fact that I don't do well with commitment. But it is not that I have a roving eye and hands, but rather, I like my space. I like my downtime and I feel like commitment takes away from that. But if someone should come along (or already has), then I need to learn how to balance my needs with all the possibilities that abound.

6: I plan to travel more. I still have not made my trip back to London yet, but this year, I will. Even if it means hoping a flight at the last minute on the last day of this year, I plan to spend time abroad among the folks I love and in a land that I call home. But even before that, I plan to go places. To book a hotel room on a weekend night and go out and enjoy myself in Florida. Make plans for the summer with friends from afar and perhaps even finally make it to Mardi Gras and New Orleans to engage in some debauchery amongst good company.

7: To write more letters. This ties in with some of the earlier resolutions, but I was reminded recently how powerful the written word is and how moving it can be, flaws and all, to write a proper letter. So for the things that really matter, no more emails or quick notes via any of the possible media. It is a letter, sent by snail mail, to remind people that I love them and that I am thinking of them.

8: I resolve to be better with my finances this year. Sure, I am doing okay with putting aside cash for retirement and making a steady dent, which is about right given that I am already thirty-ish, but I need to make other dents. I need to do more saving, less spending. I need to be smart about what I am buying and what I need. I need to learn how to just say no when I do not have the funds to go out and to start planning more activities that let me spend time with those I care for without being pricey.

9: I plan to read more and read often. I want to expand the genres that I am willing to dip into and to find great new authors I might not have read otherwise. I want to read across all genres and all epochs, but most importantly, I want to read more. No more excuses about not having enough time. I have time; I just need to be better organized about it.

10: I plan to spend less time online. My life should not be lived on here, but out there. And I have forgotten that. I have spent weekends tracking all the things my friends are doing, dropping in with pithy comments or just frittering time away playing mindless games but no more. Online is for the update of what I plan to be doing or just did in real life. A chance to check in with people and then pop off to enjoy the real thing.

11: But at the same time, I plan to be better about logging in and updating the blog, even if it is just a line a day. Because I want my friends to know all the latest with me, including what I am thinking. Because I sometimes need feedback and I sometimes need someone else to step in and calm the insanity that is my mind in turmoil. And how will you know unless I say?