It is one of those days where the only thing on my mind is work: I came in early, sat through lunch at my desk - working on the latest problem, and now I am at home, taking a little break before I sit down to review some work I brought home and thinking about how early I want to get up and get in.
I have also had a nice chat with a fellow colleague about that feeling that you have become complacent in a job; about wanting the chance to seek out something that makes you happy and also makes you not want to keep seeking the ever elusive "next". About the skills we have and about how hard it sometimes is to just sit down and do the things we know we should, because we are somewhere safe and good. How sometimes being fired can be your best friend, because at least it forces you to find what it is you want.
And somewhere between these two extremes, I realized something. I love my job. It is hard and often thankless. It can get weary and sometimes, I want nothing more than to make a snide remark or just let someone know how I really feel. And most days, I can not. So I hold it in, vent to colleagues and bosses (the latter more rarely) and I suck it up. But for all that, I get a certain satisfaction from knowing that I am doing well. That I am still doing something I love - working in research - but at the same time, I am not tied to writing reports and running stats and all the things I loved but really could not see myself doing for the long haul. But just because I love what I do, I have realized it still does not mean that I should become complacent and just let the things I want - that ever onwards upwards better part of me - bask in this level of ennui.
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