Silence is Golden

My thoughts recently have tended to dwell on all the possibilities of love, but there is another stream of thought I have been engaging in and trying to work through and it is related to love, but not quite. The thing is, I had one of those moments recently where I thought I could use a bit of feedback from a friend to see whether I am over-thinking things or whether there just might be, maybe some type of glimmer. But in this case, the person I normally turn to, I am loathe to ask. Because she knows the situation too well for me to feel comfortable opening up in case it is all in my head. I am mocked often enough for so many other things I have done, I really do not need to add something else to the list.

So I thought about asking another friend of mine that I was close to when I was abroad, but that seemed futile as I have stopped making the effort after having received little to no input from her. I would ask my good guy friend but this needs a woman's understanding as guys can sometimes be a bit too straight forward with things. And then my mind wandered to asking a work colleague who has become a good friend. But again, I am loathe to ask because in the past few months or so, we have drifted apart...And that is what has made me start thinking about friendship.

The thing is, I tend to view the friends I make as people who are in my life for the long haul. I do not make friends easily, I confide even less so. And the people I do choose to confide in and share my thoughts and experiences with; well, I expect them to stay close. But I realize (and have before) that not everyone treats friendships the same way. For some, it is the thrill of the getting to know someone new and as soon as they are certain of the friendship, they treat you as someone who will always be about, no matter what may come. But like a fragile thing, friendships - in my estimation at least - need to be nurtured or the things that makes them great and beautiful withers and dies. And then there is just the ghost of what was.

I am not sure of the best way forward; I am not sure if there is a way forward other than keeping things as the status quo. These sorts of faint glimmers of a friendship once shared that is no longer. But it is times like these, when I could use a friend, that I find it hardest to say what I mean and to make my thoughts understood. And it is times like these, that I choose silence instead of words.

But the real dilemma for me, the point that I have been sticking on, is whether it is necessary to let someone know you just will not try anymore. If you have made your overtures to bring the friendship back, to be on the track you once were, and they get rebuffed - whether knowingly or not - are you obliged to be clear about why you choose to withdraw the friendship you so freely gave? Or is it acceptable to just pull away, and if the person ever comes asking (which I doubt will happen in this case), you can give them an answer with a clear conscience?