Drumming Song

I have a cycle. A pattern that I seem to follow. Something that I have noticed in my life, but never paid much attention to until recently. I guess as the new year has started and I have been thinking back over my life for the last couple of days/weeks, the pattern seems to be coming out much more clearer than I had ever though possible.

The thing is, I have this pattern of being indifferent to love. For a while. It can be weeks, it can be years. I am one of those people that does not mind being single. Hell, sometimes, I even prefer it. Once in a while I will miss the joy of being in a couple, normally when there are couple-ly activities to be engaged in (you know, not being the third wheel, etc.) but for the most part, I am pretty happy in my own company. And then someone comes along who gets me excited about love. Someone who makes my stomach churn and my heart beat a little faster. Someone who makes it harder to think straight, because any thinking I am doing is thoughts that circle back to that special person.

The thing is, that someone is never someone that I end up dating or falling in a mad romantic relationship with. It is always the person who reminds me what it means to be in love, to feel something for someone. That person, for want of a better analogy, is my appetizer. It is the individual who whets my appetite, reminds me how to play the dating game - to flirt, to be funny, to be social - and then I get loosed on the world and go on to have a fun time with others.

Nonetheless, just because I never acted on the love I felt or there really was nothing there in the end between two people, every guy who has helped me to rediscover emotion and love and all the other things that go along with falling in like/lust/love has been incredibly important to me. Because alot of what follows after in my life would not have happened without the initial note; that initial heart pounding, gut wrenching feeling I felt when I thought of that special someone. I guess this is my way of saying how important a crush can be, even when a crush does not get you further than a couple of evenings spent in joyful company.