I have been thinking quite a bit, something I possibly do way too much (and hence, has given rise to this blog) but I have recently had the realization that this whole year has not been about me not wanting to go anywhere, about not feeling like I fit in, about being out of place in a strange land.
Rather, it seems I am stuck in a city that I have nothing in common with. Drive roughly an hour north and suddenly, I remember the person that I am. The person that I love to be. I am more at home in a city that I have never been to in my life than one that I have spent numerous year living in and sometimes, just coming back to.
It is strange, but I had this epiphany as I thought about my day that I had had. There were some weird bits and some wonderful bits and then some bits that were bits, but all in all, as soon as I turned off the highway earlier, I felt more me than I had in a while. And it only got better as I jumped out and started walking around - suddenly, there was not a cookie cutter parade of people but all these wonderful individuals, being brave, trying things out and not sticking to a template. I understand and appreciate that.
Looking around, there were guys that I found interesting. Suddenly, my interest was piqued, something that had not happened in a while. I found myself looking and not only looking, but being looked back at. And that felt wonderful, reminding me of past glories lived and not forgotten. I spent time with a friend and just felt more alive than I had in a while, and I was reminded of other things in my past. People I have written about here and times that were confusing, but sweet and a little bit hopeful (well, some times a lot of hopeful). And I realize that if I must live here for the next couple of years, then I should at least be living the type of life that makes me happy, especially if it is only two hours away or less. So we'll see what this leads to but I think the next year should be an interesting time. Because it is unknown, but suddenly full of much more potential than I thought possible.
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