I have this sinking feeling that I am unhappy. You would think it would be one of the things I would either be able to know for sure or not, but I actually do not. Yet I seem to have all the hallmarks of heading towards a long patch of unhappy. So, you may ask, what are some of the warning signs I have been noticing? Let me give you a breakdown:
1) I am more anxious than I normally feel. Normally, I can control the level of anxiousness and talk myself our of feeling worked up. But it is getting harder. I am operating on a level where by even the slightest thing has me convinced that I am on my way out the door - whether it is my career or my friendships or whatever is important to me. And feeling that level of anxiety is normally a good sign that my mood is moving from euthymic to downwards spiral.
2) I find it hard to sleep. I am not just talking about a lack of sleep (which, based on the evidence, would actually push me into a more positive mood) but just having a sleep schedule that does not have any order to it. So, somedays (normally the weekends), I will sleep late, wake up, take a stretch, and then fall asleep some more. Weekdays - it is more of a struggle to fall asleep at a decent time and staying asleep some type of miracle. For some strange reasons, even despite the interrupted sleep, I still wake before the alarm, feeling burned out but yet wide awake - and normally - perplexed (weird dreams and all).
There are many more signs, I am sure, that I could prattle on and on about; perhaps the kind of thing I will get into at a later date but all in all, there are signs. On the plus side, most of my resolutions are designed to get me out of my headspace, which is normally what contributes to the lowered mood. Recognizing the fact that there are little sign posts on the way and what it might mean is another way I feel like I am actually getting a grasp on my life and the way I feel, instead of suddenly being surprised when I am in the middle of a full blown despair. After all, knowing is half the battle.
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