Oh No!

In walking over to the dining area with some of my work colleagues, I realized that I do not seem to possess that special type of girl relationship with any of my friends and I am feeling a bit left out. Not really jealous, as I at the same time as realizing that I did not seem to have perfected the knack of the female conversation, also realized that I would probably be dead bored in all of two seconds (which I was by all the nattering) and have to just walk away (which I also did).

So what is the art of the girl conversation you may ask? It seems to open with a positive compliment or two, normally focused on said outfit or how wonderfully thin said girl appears to look. So, then I guess opening with a hug and exclaiming how long it has been is no longer appropriate. Or clearly needs to be followed up with ego stroking. Which I am just not good at. I do not think it is because I find my friends repulsive trolls or something of the sort but more because I think all my friends are beautiful. So what is the point of complimenting them on something that should already be quite apparent (and is, to anyone with eyes to see)?

My second failure seems to be in the understanding that positive compliments require immediate and complete disavowal when girls are having a tête-à-tête. While my inclination is normally to undermine anything nice that someone has to say about me, I have learned to fight the impulse and actually just graciously accept the compliment. So why, in the course of any relationship, should I have to undervalue myself by denying that the clothes I wear are in fact, fabulous, and the curves I bring the table desirable? Even more so, why should I undervalue myself and then turn around and tell you how wonderful you are compared to me? That truly does seem to be the rule for girly interacting. The prescribed pattern: one person starts with a compliment which is turned down and the countered with a different compliment that ups the ante. What’s the point? Are we bonding over how hideous we think ourselves to be? And why? How does that even make sense? If you truly think you are that hideous/unlovable/troll-like, why would should you also believe that anyone would want to be friends with you?

I sometimes am just no good at the whole girl thing. In a different life, I might even have been a male as so many ways I think and approach the world just do not seem to jive with the ‘feminine’ way. But I do not consider myself some freak of nature; I just thank my lucky stars that my family thought it wise enough to teach me how to be a good person who thinks for herself, and most importantly, value herself, than playing into some culturally accepted form of brainwashing.