Love, Lust or Bust

I have been thinking alot about relationships and love as of recently. Whether it is because I am in the process of ending a relationship, starting one, or just trying to figure myself out in general, it's been on my mind. And as I think about love, I think about all the things I want for myself. So here is the laundry list of what I am looking for:

I want things to be uncomplicated. Sure, none of us have reached this point in our life without some type of baggage from heartbreak but I want someone who can learn from their baggage as I do. Instead of being stored away in some dusty corner, I want someone who occasionally unpacks the suitcase and brings things to light to see if any new insights can be gained. In the end, I want someone who makes things a little less complicated by explaining where they are coming from, how they see things with me, and where they would like us to go. It does not have to be the first conversation or even the tenth and it is not something you can reveal in one go; but at some time, I hope they can let me in.

I want to not have to compete. Whether it is with someone else or something else, I don't compete in love. And maybe I have lost out because of that. But if you want to be with me, you make the effort. You don't let anyone or anything come between getting to know me better. Yes, I have my insecurities and one of them is that I might be someone that a guy chooses to settle for rather than the one they truly want. But I try to deal with it as best I can. But if I always feel that something else is pulling them away, I am not going to fight for it. Not at the start, sometimes at the end but by then, it might be too late.

I want to be chased. And who does not? I want to be pursued and eventually 'caught'. I want someone to express a clear interest in me without the benefit of signs that can be misinterpreted. And I don't want to be the one always leading the dance. I don't mind helping things along and I am quite forthright about what I want and expect. And I am willing to reciprocate. But in the end, I want someone who leans in first for that kiss; someone who asks me out on that first date and makes the plans. If I have to do all the mundane work - the where, the when, the how, I will eventually get tired of always thinking about us and wondering if I am the only one thinking about us - when next we can be together, how to schedule time for us, etc. So I want to be chased - I want someone to think about us for a change.

I want romance. Not the red roses on Valentine's day or extravagant gestures of special occasions kind of romance. Those are all good and fine but I want the kind of romance that is everyday and small, but so much more meaningful. I want little notes left for me to find, I want spontaneous plans to walk in the park or through London streets, I want someone who remembers the random things I say and builds on them. I want the person who has a bottle of diet coke waiting for me when I get home because I am under caffeinated and dying for a drink. I want someone who remembers to not call me or text me or even message me during my favourite show because I need some down time to just enjoy. It's the little things that add up to a relationship and get you through all the big things, good and bad.

With all the things I want, I sometimes wonder if you can find it in any one person. I assume you must be able to but I have not found it yet (my reason for being single) but I hope someday I will find it in someone special. And everything they want, they'll find in me