Attraction

What is it about someone that attracts you to them? Is it the way they look across the darkened club? Or the way you feel in their presence? Is it the fact that they know what to do with their hands? Or is it the fact that they have no clue, but fumble that much more sweetly?

For me, attraction is all about the intangible. There are many people I have seen pass me by that make me want to turn for another look, but that to me is not attraction. That is appreciation. It is doing the right thing and appreciating someone who has either taken the time to look their best or else won the luck of the looks lottery. Either way, it is drooling and moving on. Fleeting fantasy....

No I am talking about attraction. About the thing that makes you want to be closer to someone, to get to know someone better. From experience, I can say attraction often comes when I am least expecting it and in the most subtle ways. I became attracted to the love of my life when he shared his life with me. He shared all of the hard times he was going through - he opened up and talked to me. So we walked and talked for hours at a time, late at night, strolling through Lincoln Park with my dog, and I started to be attracted to him. He was someone I knew, a good friend, but his willingness to just be himself - to open up, to trust me, and to be vulnerable - made me wildly attracted. Perhaps it is not a surprise that we said goodbye when I realized that he was not telling me anything about his life anymore. Suddenly there was someone else he confided in and trusted. Yes, he still said he loved me and wanted to be with me, but perhaps the same thing that attracts can be the same thing that repels.

I have been attracted to someone because they took the chance and held my hand walking through Covent Garden late a night when they hardly knew me or knew where my heart lay. A simple gesture and yes, it was instant spark - instant attraction and I was gone. I have looked at someone in a different way and been attracted when he stood up for us in a packed restaurant on a Saturday night - quietly demanding that the table be given to us because we had been waiting longer than the other couple. And I suddenly saw this friend in a whole new light and wanted to know more.

I don't think you can force attraction or bottle it. You can not decide that someone will be attracted to you or someone will find you attractive. And as easily as attraction can be to cultivate, it can sometimes fade just as fast. I have been attracted to people who killed the attraction just as quickly by showing their true nature. But oh for those fleeting moments where suddenly minds connect and attraction is palpable - to those moments where love has a chance to blossom.....