Desperately Seeking

Well, as you guys may know by all the posts and just seeing me around in general, the last month has not been that great for me. To the point where I decided to seek pharmacotherapeutic intervention. That is just a fancy way of saying I went to a doctor and got some antidepressants. So, as of this week, I have been taking a pill a day faithfully, hoping that sooner rather than later I get to see some change. But I wanted to just rant a little about the absurdness of medication in general and specifically, my experience with antidepressants.

For one thing, the package insert has numerous warnings about the fact that "this drug may cause mood change". I am sorry? That's a warning? I certainly was not thinking of taking an antidepressant to lower my cholesterol. Should mood change be so much a warning as a fact? I figure an antidepressants' whole raison d'etre was to change me from being depressed to euthymic. Hence, a mood change!

I also have to change my life style a bit. Right now, about an hour after popping an pill, I get incredibly loopy and tired. But while I am dead tired, I can't seem to fall asleep or stay asleep. I am averaging about four hours of sleep right now and I am not functioning too well. I actually got more sleep when I was depressed and unable to really move out of bed for any reason. When sleeping was the only option to stop my crying.

I have also noticed that I am starting to get light-headed and dizzy in the late afternoons which I dislike immensely. And my caffeine consumption, already exaggerated, is even higher now (these types of antidepressants tend to affect caffeine processing so you need more in order to get the same effects). Add to that my inability to down alcoholic beverages and you can see why I am feeling a bit more keyed up and on edge! smile.

Seriously though, in the end, this is all worth it as long as I am starting to feel even remotely normal. If I can get out of bed and function at 50%, then I would declare going back on this hated regimen a success. But I won't really know for weeks and until then, I have so many things to worry about and do and meet that I am not sure how to handle it all. But in the end, I hope I can and I know I will, with friends beside me