Dealing

You know, I have tried to not be angry or hurt during the last month dealing with my break up with the person I was dating. I have even tried to talk about what both of us need to do to remain friends but the thing is, I have reached my limit at this point. Because I seem to be doing all the compromising and talking and all I have gotten from him were rather empty, pointless promises.

You see, what I don't understand is how someone who loved me, someone who claimed that they had been planning their life around me was able to find another "sweetie" in less than a month after we broke up? Yes, as he is quick to point out, I broke up with him. But to have watched his relationship with a new friend progress online, to see them flirting, and to have seen this before we even broke up. Well, yes, I am angry and I have my limits. And I believe these are it.

Hear me out: I am not expecting that he has to stay single for ever or that he should not be able to find love (or like or whatever you want to call it) where ever it lays for him. But maybe the most hurtful thing about this is that he is being so open, in front of all his friends.

And the openess in front of me, while somewhat similar to a slap on the face, is more so hurtful because he refused to tell those closest to him that he was dating me; that he even had a girlfriend. He constantly denied it to friends who asked if there was someone special and when I talked it over with him, he always had some diffuse date in the future to let others know.

It has been a year since we first showed mutual interest and we dated (instigated on his insistance) for six months before I broke things off. And never once, did he seem to mention the relationship to anyone. Not even those who knew. You may wonder why I put up with things this way for so long and I have been asking myself that question as well. Truthfully, I loved him and I trusted him. I believed what he told me and I always had faith that he had his reasons, reasons that I tried to understand.

And now, when things are over, I find I have no more understanding. As I have said, I told him what needs to be done to remain friends and he seems to think it unimportant. So, I will start to treat this as unimportant as well. I have been moving forward, taking small strides to get myself to where I need to be, and I no longer have the inclination to extend the effort required to keep him in my life. I just want a friend who can meet me half way, a friend who shows me respect, and without that, I don't think I need to understand anything about that person anymore.