Friday, February 4, 2011

Are You Satisfied?

It is one of those days where I start thinking about whether life is truly satisfying. That feeling of being happy and being content that seems to occur so infrequently makes me nervous and thus, I start to assess. Is this what satisfaction feels like? Is that what it means to be happy and feeling settled for even a brief moment in my life. I know it does not mean that I am ready to settle - no, not by any stretch of the imagination. If anything, I am that much closer to starting to spread my wings and venture ever onwards and upwards, but still, is this what satisfaction feels like?

I have been feeling happy about the small things and the big things. About how my life has been falling into place and I have made the effort to really go outside of my comfort zone and do things that could being so much more to me, now that I am here. I have invited others to join me on activities that I find intriguing and I have decided that come what may, I will still move forward with plans, whether anyone wants to join in with me or no. But is this satisfaction?

I have realized that I can feel excited about being out with friends. That I can enjoy their company as just a friend, that I can get excited about possibilities, and yet, at the same time, I can also be cautious and keep sane. No restless nights wondering. As much fun as that can be, and as much as some people who may never know it continue to touch my life in ways that they do now know and never may, I do not feel that need to keep myself guessing. Instead, I feel the need to just roll with my life as it is; to just be satisfied.

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