I am annoyed. Clearly, someone in my life needs to get a good bitch slap or something akin to that, in order for me to feel less annoyed. But it is not going to happen, so I am going to share with you folks why and what can annoy me.
There was someone in my life a while ago that I did not feel that friendly towards anymore, and for good reason. I did not plan on spending time with this person, taking their phone calls, or even being social if encountered. And because I share mutual friends with this person, I decided to limit the amount of information that this person could learn about me and my life since they had been relegated to a position outside the sphere. And it seems to have worked fine for the last year or so. There were times when I had conversations with mutual friends, that I knew things made its way back to them; But I also was more guarded with people who knew the person better than they knew me. I am an open person generally and stick to the motto of if you ask me, I will tell you. But being open with friends does not mean I need to be open with the whole world.
But I have noticed recently that some of the steps I took are breaking down. For one thing, technology is letting me down. Suddenly, what was a restricted zone to this person has become something they have access to; even more so, this person has started to establish a sort of interaction via the medium of mutual friends. And it annoys me. Because for all intent and purposes, I'm not interested in being nice. I have blocked them via various applications, I have had conversations that made it abundantly clear that I am not interested in any continued contact, and with a seemingly short memory span of about a year, the person is back. I am annoyed at the applications that fail me, I am annoyed at the fact that my words carry no weight, and I am annoyed at the idea of sacrificing friends to maintain the distance I sought.
It seems to be one of those days where anything just ups the ante on the annoyance factor, rather than lessening it. And it is not even five o'clock yet (not like getting to the end of the workday should matter, especially as considering I don't work). I am annoyed by friends who lie to me about the most insignificant and smallest things. Things that would be better handled with the truth; but instead, I am left wondering why I seem to value their friendship so highly if they seem to value me so little. I am annoyed by the things I know and wish I did not because, sometimes, it means having a clearer assessment of a situation than someone else does. And sometimes it means making hard choices about whether you let the illusion lie or whether you shatter the peaceful idyll. There are so many things that could add to the annoyance I feel, and yet only one simple remedy. The ability to bitch slap someone, but good, would solve all my annoyances. Maybe they won't disappear but at least it is a good outlet.
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