Dating Dilemmas

One of the things that I noticed a difference in once I got to the UK was that I was actually attracting and dating the kind of guys that I wanted to. I figured it just had something to do with my being a new single, finally having gotten over the heartbreak of a serious relationship, and being a bit more inclined to "play the field" - so to speak. In fact, I assumed I was attracting attention because I had started eating better (re: healthier and less) since having landed on Britain's shores and thus, weight loss was equal to new found uber-attractiveness when out and about.

But I am learning that I can not seem to simply sum up my attractiveness in Britain to personal qualities. Well, it goes beyond personal qualities as I am back in the States and I am realizing why I never really seemed to have as much success here as I did over there. For one thing, I have noticed that America still has hang ups when it comes to race. Oh, white guys in general don't seem to mind dating other races, as long as those races tend towards the fair (I am talking lighter skinned Hispanics and Asians here). In a sense, it is almost as though interracial dating is only okay as long as the other person can "pass" for white. There just seems something inherently wrong in that to me. Maybe because I can in no way pass for white; but also maybe because I am not interested in passing for something else. It is why I get upset when people in the States just assume I am African-American. I am not. I am neither African nor American and I am proud of all the heritage that I can lay claim to: Chinese, Indian, Portuguese, White and Black.


The difference was that being in an interracial couple did not seem so much of an issue when I was in London. Sure, when I stepped outside of London and realized that being seen in the company of someone not of my race - hell, being of my race and there - was something novel, I realized that maybe things were not that different in some respects. But still, in the capital, it was possibly more to my advantage that I did not look like over ninety percent of the population. I stood out - in a good way - and I was considered exotic for my looks, not somehow shunned for them. It made me feel completely comfortable in my skin for once.

And speaking of skin, the other thing that seems a detriment now that I am possibly looking to expand my life beyond the job hunt is that I have so much of it :-D I guess that is just a nice way of saying that I am "zaftag" or "rubenesque". Speaking plainly, I am overweight. Just like more than half of the American population. But I prefer to think of myself as curvy; not because I am trying to sugarcoat the fact that I am bigger than the average girl (well, actually not so much statistically - I am just bigger than the ideal), but because I am healthy and wear the extra pounds well as my friends can attest to. But here, in the States, trying to date when you're considered outside of that standard means few - if any guys - are willing to take the chance and look beyond the surface. I am sure that I am probably labelled as any number of unattractive adjectives because of my size. When I compare the state of things to my time in London, I just shake my head and smile. Being my size was not considered a detriment - instead, guys (friends and lovers alike) adored the fact that I had curves, and most importantly, that meant I had boobs (or jugs or knockers or the myriad number of things you can classify them as).

In all honesty, I miss the approach to dating that characterized English society: It was more accepting and straight forward in many senses. And I felt like I was on equal footing with all the many girls out there. Here, I feel relegated to the side lines. And while I might have been happy with my lot years ago, I now know differently through experience; I am not unloveable or undesireable just because of who I am. I am a complete goddess, in all the areas of love that count. And I have brought that sense back with me: that I am worthwhile, that I am an irresistable creature, someone completely at comfort in her suit of skin. That is why I find it sad that I know that I have so much to offer, and yet I am once again relegated to the status of second-best pick (if even that high). I am not willing to give up the sense of self I have found nor am I willing to take a year's enforced celibacy because American society still has its puritanical, prejudiced mindset. Hence my connection connundrum and my dating dilemma. Solution????