The Nature of the Beast

It felt like a good time to revisit the idea of jealousy within relationships and how men and women relate to each other - as well as amongst themselves (see prior entry).

My good friend and I were talking recently about the fact that every girl that follows you in the girlfriend string inevitably suffers from jealousy. Does not seem to matter whether you are a part of the guy's life or not at the point where they get together: it just seems to be that the last girlfriend represents some sort of standard or idea that the current one measures herself against, and I guess, rightfully, seems to develop unrepentant feelings of hurt and yes, dear I say it, jealousy. It is often unfounded jealousy - sometimes not so much.

But I am speaking from both sides. I have been the person insanely jealous and I still, in many senses, had a right to be. I was uncomfortable with the relationship someone I dated had with their ex and tried to explain why. But when the ex is the best friend as well, and everything - and I do mean every detail - is shared with the last person your significant other dated, it can begin to make you feel nervous, anxious, and start treading on egg shells. You don't want to do or say anything that might make it outside of the circle of the relationship. And at the same time, you start to clam up with the one person you should be able to implicitly trust and be opening up to, letting them discover all the hidden facets that not everyone gets to see.

I guess that is why I have made it an understood assumption now that should I date anyone seriously, we won't be friends afterward. Maybe it is wrong to put that limitation on my relationships with guys; yet, at the same time, if I cared so much for the person, do I really want to see them moving on? Do I want to be there when they find love again? And would they want to be there when I find love? I assume that with strong feelings, thinsg may fade but they are never truly gone. And so I have limited my relationships: I am more cautious about those I choose to pursue, to date, and to attach labels to. Maybe experience has made me a wise consumer, maybe my values have changed. But more importantly, I have learned the hard way that I don't want to be the one that is hated. And that a good friend, who becomes more, often becomes the one that you regret.