Doomed to Repetition

I sometimes wonder why life can feel a bit more like being stuck in an ever-repeating circle rather than just simply moving forward. We like to think that we walk through life that we're on a path - that there is some destination just within our grasp. But what if the way through life is more confuddled than that? What if life is nothing more than a useless spiral that we walk along, sometimes recognizing signposts along the way - sure that we've been there and done that, but in the end leading to some central point that we never planned or expected to reach in all our long searchings?

I just sometimes feel, at the start of each new year, that maybe my life is not so different than it was a year ago. Sure, some things are quantifiably different - no job, no dog, no flat of my own, and no rampant love life (perhaps the last one is not such a bad loss) but then other things seem the same: the ease with which I fade into the background and am made to feel like the third wheel, the fact that I will always stand back and let someone else just take the things I want without a fight. In the end, I feel resigned to history and all the things it seems not to have taught me. And I sit back, expecting more from the people around me than I will ever seemingly get.