Periodically

Once in a while, I think that life throws situations my way and then gives me everything I need to figure it out and also to learn from it. And right now, interactions with friends and colleagues have left me laughing and also realizing that I have strayed so far, far away from what I know best about myself. I think it is time I embrace all the things that I have truly loved about myself in the past and just see if it works as well in this time and place in my life as it has done before.

So you've heard me (or at least read me) whining recently about not knowing what to do with all the attraction I am feeling towards a certain someone. The thing is, I once knew what to do.When I was attracted to someone in the past, I invited that person out for a drink or a meal, and just flirted outrageously. And if that did not seem to do the trick, then I would actually say (okay, more blurt depending on how much I may have been drinking as well) that I quite fancied him. And it seemed to work for me.

Wait, that sounds a little too cocky. And that is not what I am going for. I was confident then and I want to embrace my confidence now in this arena. It did not always work. And I think I can count on my hand all the times it did work, yet nothing risked means there is certainly nothing to gain. I am starting to embrace risk; hell, I think I want to snuggle risk all night at this point in my life. As I have made so many many changes, I feel as though one more is not going to throw things completely off and I would rather know that I had put myself out there and my cards on the table, than never tried.

So here's to the time where I actually rack up the nerve to do the manly thing and act like a guy. I have been accused about three times in the last week of thinking like one (when did pragmatism and practicality in relationships suddenly mean being male?), so why not act the part as well? At least when it comes to initiating things, making the first move, putting my heart on the line by being honest about what I am feeling and what I want, and seeing how it all goes. And if I have to slowly walk away, with a sort of sorrowful heart, at least I know that I tried. And I have nothing to regret about trying to make my life match the idea I have in my head and heart of what will make me most happy.