When Life Throws You Lemons...(Imported Blog)

gay adj. the status of almost every boy I know.

Well, not every boy I know is gay, but sometimes it sure feels like it. The chances of me hooking up with any of my guy friends are almost zero to none, since radical lifestyle switches would be involved. And a night out with the boys for me may involve a bar and boobs, but the boobs are mine and the theme night at the bar is "Showtunes Night". There is nothing better than drinking froo-froo (pink lemonades or long island iced teas) drinks, and seeing guys sing along to the likes of "All that Jazz" and "Seasons of Love".

And yes, I should be starving for male attention, but see, closeted gay guys were the original metrosexuals, long before that term existed; so I always get to go out with the best looking boys. And gay guys love me - I don't know what it is - but I am like honey to a homo. Within ten minutes, I can get any man who is gay to say that he loves me (if only it worked as well on straight men). Maybe it is my easy charm, or, as one friend likes to say (and yes, he is gay), my huge knockers, but I can leave any room with four new guy friends who can all teach me the finer points of seducing and satisfying any man.

What do I get out of this? The easy friendship of guys, the ability to be myself, the comfort of talking about porn and sex and male nudity in an open, honest, frank kind of manner. And it is made me a better girlfriend for it. Apparently, straight boys think it's hot when a girl likes to watch porn or talks about sex. It evens out the playing field a bit, from my understanding of things. Even more so, they figure if you know gay guys, you must know some gay girls, and well, that is just a short leap to every male fantasy....

So while I may not have the luxury of having my best friend become my husband or significant other in any way, I do have the benefit of my best friend having his own guide to getting it on (and sharing some fun tips so we can compare notes).