A Day of Frustrations

It has been one of those days I just need to vent and so I turn to my trusted friends: anonymity and the written word.

The thing is - it really has been one of those days. I am excited about finally reclaiming some lost treasures and feeling more like a human being (i.e. an animal with an overwhelming number of choices), but at the same time, having all these choices means I am even more aware of the differences between my life now and my life two, three years ago.

Some thing feel the same - for instance, the underestimation of my talents that seems to occur. I understand that I am not a forward person and I do not tend to brag. I just buckle in, put my head down and expect that the results will show. But apparently that is not enough and I am just not as motivated to 'play the game'. I am not sure, beyond installing flashing neon signs that extol my virtues, what else I can do to at least be given the recognition I deserve. And sometimes I wonder...is it because, unlike the masses, I am not happy to just sit there and wallow? That I always strive to be better, to want more, to move onwards and upwards - learning new things as I go? is it really that strange to want more out of life always instead of just being content and settling?

Settling seems to be my biggest problem in life. I can't be content. And it hurts a little (well, I am lying, it hurts alot more than I expected) when the last person I really felt an attraction to (which seems eons ago and really has been too long) finally seems to have fallen into a relationship. I do not mean to imply that they are settling or that I would have been had I pursued anything (and if you've been following this, then you know that he was a 'might have been') but here is this person that eclipsed my life for a while - even if he was not aware of it - and suddenly, I am left behind. Event over. I do not know what I was expecting and even if this was the expected, my heart is feeling a little sore. A little worse for wear and want of compassion.

Add to that the lack of responsiveness from others around me - whether in feelings, sympathy, or general aid - and my day has become one that I am longing to escape; I am looking forward to going home and turning on the television and sinking into a mindless stupor; all in preparation for a weekend that hopefully will act as a balm to what ails.