These Boots Were Made For Walking

I thought I might take things to a bit of a lighter place. And speak once more of my love for all things shoe (not to be confused with all things ‘show’ which would make me a completely different type of girl).

My latest crush is on a designer line for a thrift, mass market shoe store; and I am not saying those things like it is a bad idea – one of a kind and mass market can appeal equally. I am absolutely in love with this shoe – I had the chance to buy it but it was a half size smaller than I wanted and so I thought I would wait. But after getting home, realizing none of the shoes were available online, running to the store closest to me that might have it (they did not; they did not even get a shipment) and then the next morning – before the store had even opened – checking to see if they had my size (again, they did not), I am actually besotted.

I am plotting on how to get my hands on one of these pairs, so much so that I am calling today at the end of work just to see if they received a new shipment and putting a pair on hold (which I am then off to collect). If not, I am tracking down the pair that was a half size too small and asking them to hold it (which I am then off to collect).

It might sound crazy but the half size smaller might work because it is a pump shoe and I find that pumps in my size tend to slip off my feet when walking. I am not so besotted that I am about to plunk down money on a pair of shoes that will only cause me pain – not to say I have not done that, but only when I did not realize that they would cause me pain. I am not an intentional masochist.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

I have said it before and I will probably be saying it again: it is strange to be back here in Miami; to be in a place where I have so many memories and moments tied up together, to know so many friends from my time at university who have stayed here or like, me have come back here, and yet, to feel so lost in a strange land. It is the familiar and the unfamiliar all at the same time. And while I can ground myself with knowing the landmarks and the locale and the people and the culture, I am still sometimes so amused (and sometimes, alternately, so distraught) at the fact that I am, for all intents and purposes, a stranger in a strange land.

How can I explain this? I am used to wandering the world; I am used to traveling the road not taken. Perhaps that is why Frost's poem will forever speak to me. I understand about looking forward, about making decisions, and about not looking back (or at least, trying to do so very rarely). But in many ways, the last few months have been all about looking back. I am back in my old room, in the house I knew back when I was in Uni. I am settling back into old patterns, old feelings, and there are so many things that just seem to scream deja vu to me. And yet, it is all new in so many ways.

People have gone on about their lives while I have been traipsing about the world, living mine. People are married, settled, having kids, buying houses - all the things that seem so grown up and very distant from my life. And that is the thing: I know these people. Or at least, I think I did. I knew them back when they were college kids just like me. But they are not anymore. And neither am I. I am looking at them, thinking there is so much of their life that is not for me - nothing I aspire to, but I am happy for them. And when they look at me, I am not sure what they think. I can sometimes hear it though: single, living with parents, no commitments or ties. Hmmmphhh.

And I understand, but I am angry too. There is so much that has happened between the girl who was living that life ten years ago and the girl living that life now. Not just the years; more than that. And there really is not a single person who can say they have been there through it all. Maybe that's the rub of being back here: I am trying to find familiar faces when there really are none. It is like seeing the rough outlines of the people around you - recognizing them, but not knowing them. Maybe some are more filled in than others, but it all gets strange in one way or another; just more unknowns when what I am feeling is that I should feel like I am home.

Better Now

Without fail, this always happens on a holiday weekend, when all doctors and
other forms of medical treatment options are closed: I develop symptoms that should or need to be seen by a doctor. Which means I inevitably end up in the emergency room. I think it is become quite the habit with me and one I am hoping to break at some point.

There have been numerous incidents: the boxing day I spent waiting at the ER for antibiotics because of a raging sinus/ear/throat infection while my mum and my brother went shopping all the great after Christmas sales. Or the Easter that I came home, barely breathing and no inhaler insight (really, I should know better as an asthma sufferer). I think the only reason a trip to A&E was avoided at that time was the intervention of a goodly friend who was also an asthma sufferer and happened to be a doctor as well (the proper kind; not the tweed jacket and leather elbow patches kind).

So here it is, another long weekend - one that should involve good times with friends and food and trips to exciting places, and I am stuck with my immune system having a field day and popping allergy pills like no tomorrow. I am flushed, but it certainly is not from a liberal dose of alcohol or from the attentions of a wanted suitor. C'est la vie, ne c'est pas??? If it is god, then he or she has a wicked sense of humour. But more than likely, it is just a physical wayof saying that I am not equiped to cope with too much free time: I am a girl on the go who plans to always be going places.

Rainy Days and Mondays

And in Miami, it seems there are always plenty of those - rainy days, that is. After all, Mondays only come once a week. It has been an exceptional wet and soggy week - the mornings always start out pretty brilliant - all warm and humid and sunny; perfect weather for hitting the beach or just being out and about and not for sitting in an office, staring at the wonderful day to be had.

But by the afternoon, the storms come rolling in and by the time it is quitting time, I don't really feel the urge to leave. Ughhh! Head out in that weather? Battle the wet roads and the pouring rain and the crazy thunder and lightening? No thanks! I can stay late and be an industrious little bunny......

Something Good

It has been a while and it has not been that nothing has been happening in my life. Or even that I am so hectically busy that I can't take the ten minutes out of my life to update this. In fact, if I spent even half the time on here that I do playing some game or the other online, I could have posts every day of the week. And then some.....

No, it is just that the past two months have been all about my life just slotting into place. I feel the same way I do these days as I did two years ago - in December of 2007. The job is starting to feel right - I am not feeling like I am constantly being watched to see just how wrong I can get it. In fact, if anything, I feel like I am starting to get a sense of things and wanting to really learn more. I love what I am doing and there is something to be said about finding the type of job in the type of environment that just really suits who you are.

And I like the environment. It has been sad to get there and see so many people go. Especially some of the people I got to know best before they left, but at the same time, it opens up the chance for other new people to come in and become one of the team. I am normally not a team player - I pick and choose the people who surround me with care - but I like the people I work with and I am finally getting to that stage where I feel comfortable getting to know them and letting them know a little bit about me. And I am willing to be open about some of the things in my life that are a little more personal......okay, I still have not told the Halloween story but then again, perhaps that story never needs to see the light of day.

And I am sorting my life out. I am doing all sorts of grown up things: making big purchases and thinking about my retirement plan and saving and health care. I am thinking about the long term - doing things like heading to the gym when all I want to do is go home, sit in front the telly, and spend quality time with Ben and Jerry. I am making an effort to get up and out on weekends - find something to do, entertain myself, and if in doing so, I meet some new folks in Miami. All the better - it is time to start rebuilding my friend network. It is all good and fine to have loads of folks across the pond I love and who love me back (and miss me) but I need a support network here. So, I am reaching out, making changes, taking chances. And I am loving everything about my life right now.