Modern Dilemmas

So the question buzzing through my mind at this moment, very early on a Sunday morning, is how do you know when a social interaction is a date? These days, dating seems to be something only people who meet online do and meeting someone in real life is fraught with many many frustrations. First off, if you met them in 'real life', then more than likely they somehow circle in your friend group. Which makes them a sort of friend from the get-go. So if (or when) you hang out with said person one-on-one, is it a date? Or just two people meeting up for a night out. If you clear your schedule to spend time with them, is it a date? Or does it mean that you just like their company and want to get to know him/her better?

I wonder because as far as I know, I am not dating. No one has expressed an interest in me, no one has made it a point to say they fancy me. And yet I find myself out, having a good night, and wondering if it qualifies as a date. I seriously get stumped by this question. So much so, I am wondering if I should invite my good girlfriend along next time to get her honest opinion. Though adding a third party means that it inevitably becomes not a date.

I know that in recent weeks I have found myself out with someone that I would like to be more than just a friend with. I walked away from spending time with this person, thinking what a great night I had had. And spent so much time thinking about it, especially thinking about him, I wondered if there might not be something more. And I realized, slowly, that I wanted more, I wanted to be more than friends if it was possible. And I found myself wondering: how to move from friendship to something more wihtout causing a big disruption in the flow of things?

And I think it does happen: I think sometimes someone you see everyday as just a good person, a person you get on well with, can become more than that. No magical moment needed, no bonk on the head; just sometimes our perspective changes. Maybe you accidentally brush hands, maybe you find yourself leaning in too close just to catch what he or she is saying, or maybe, just maybe, you suddenly discover something that makes them shine in a whole new light. Or maybe you just realize that the person you feel has your friendship is also the sort of person you want to date. Which does not sound like a bad place to be. Unless.....

You face the dilemma of figuring out what constitutes a date. Is making sure that you meet up with a particular person a date? Does telling your friends about your plans for the evening and pointedly not inviting them along make it a date? Does planning to hang out - just you two - make it a date? It seems that so many things in life have the opportunity to be a date and we either don't recognize it or we don't make the most of it, instead hiding behind friendship. I know the way out of this dilemma is just to be honest about our approach. Hell, research even suggests that guys respond to women who are upfront about their feelings. But being the creatures we are, who wants to deal with rejection, embarrassment, humiliation? So why not hide behind the guise of friendship, knowing that nothing ventured is nothing lost.