Have I Got News For You...

Seems appropriate to title this one with something quintessentially British. I have been debating when and how to spread the word, and I figured this was my best venue. So here goes (taking deep breath):

As some of you might know, I am not a native Briton (i know, I hide it so well! LOL) and that means that living and working here means I am on some type of visa/scheme. My current visa allows me to work for a year, stay in the UK for two and I am currently approaching the end of my year of working. I have always planned on switching my visa over to another category to be able to continue to work, live, and play in the UK and had everything firmly laid out.

Alas, the best laid plans. The Home Office has changed the rules which means people in my particular visa category can no longer switch into the other visa category, as I had originally planned to do. In order to begin the process of getting the other visa, I would have to leave the country and apply from my home country (home being somewhere I have not lived in over 25 years). And the timing on this is anywhere from two months to six months. Or possibly never at all, if I am not approved for the visa.

So, as of September 9th, I can no longer work in the UK. I can stay, I just can't earn anymore money. And London (hell, living) is expensive. So, understandable I have been a bit upset, anxious, and confused over the last couple of weeks, trying to figure all the new rules out, trying to figure out the implications for myself, my life, my job, and my future. And oh yeah, getting emotional about once again having to upheave my life after only finally feeling like I was starting to settle into something good (well, as good as it could be for now).....

I have some options. Some are wholly unfeasible (like getting married) and some are feasible, but uncertain. I will keep you informed, but right now I have to move forward as though the worst case scenario will occur and that is that I would leave England in early September, not knowing when and if I can return. Which means making sure I spend loads of times making new memories with the great friends I have, mementos to take with me.

Absolute Corruption

What is power? Is power something we give others and can it be taken away? Is the ability to control how you think about and feel about something power? Do memories have power or do they lack power, except through our acknowledgment of them?

I know about power games. I know that there are those who are meant to wield power, meant to be the ones who dominate and order others around, but at the same time, I also understand that those who are subservient - those who are dominated - are the ones who are truly powerful. They are the ones who can make things stop, they are the ones who hold the key to letting someone else live out a fantasy, a desire, and thus, hold the power.

So what happens if dominance is thrust upon you? What if someone made you play a role - unwillingly, unwantedly - and took the power inherent in such a role away? What does it mean to be dominated against one's will? What does it mean - if it's just a joke, just a game; can someone foist their intentions on to you as much as they can force a role?

I wish I knew the answers to this. I wish I could figure it out. And I can't. I can understand - I can take perspective, I can see when something was meant in jest. But I can not divorce my memories from my feelings. I can not make my mind think differently, because to think is to remember anger, hurt, lack of respect, loss of trust, and an overall sense of wrong - being wrong, being wronged.